There have been a few changes made of late. Master and i went back through the Protocols one at a time, modifying most, removing a few out of hand, and leaving a few as is. i’m back to school full time, pursuing my dream (Thank You again, Master), so that has changed some things, mostly for the better. It’s a LOT easier to stick within a slave’s mind-frame when i’m not expected to live up to a certain, independent social standing like one finds in a job-place.  University is just looser, more open to being oneself. It’s a good thing. This week not only marked the first week of school, but the first week of the new LJ rules, so forgive me please if this is short and sweet. Essay the first, behind the cut.

1)     

Hopefully this will cut it. It’s the best i could do with this one. i’ve come back to it many times over this week, trying to get more out of the essay, but it’s just getting repetitive trying to add more. On a more fun note, Master and i are attending an event this weekend, with a Back-to-School theme! It’s one of Oour favourites, Oour local group does it every year, and Wwe’ve also been invited to an after-party, so it should be a lot of fun. Take care all, and see you next week folks!

~His pet~

 ...from all of the short people at my feet, asking me for a hug and to put that kid over there in time out, and can they please go to the bathroom. It is the day after, the day after Halloween, and  have 567 children pumped full of SUGAR. i have 200 journals to grade, i am behind on paperwork, I have degree work for my Master's program that I am supposed to be completing, and we will likely be moving out of our house tomorrow. I am going to cry. Can I just go to bed and sleep for the next five days? I feel exhausted and frustrated and ready to throw something, and I just want to be held and touched and cuddled. Tonight sounds like a good night for Buffy. Maybe i'll watch some of Season 3 if pet and my Owner would rather play video games. i don't even feel like being at the computer tonight.

*joy*

So…. the weekend proved to be monumental to the Madhouse, on multiple fronts. Master “purchased” joy, at long last making her His, and part of the Madhouse. It was wild, fun, and to be able to be part of that, to see the mix of emotion shine from her eyes and face, to hear Master tell her “On your knees” and see her collared as His, to be part of all of this, it’s mind blowing. (Wow that was a massive abuse of commas!) i knew, sketchily, what was to happen Saturday night, more so than joy, for many reasons. my anxiety does not work well with surprises in large social groups, so Master gave me the barest details, so that i would not panic when everything began, and that was successful. my role was simple, beg Master to keep bidding, to buy my sister for me, for Uus, and it wasn’t the slightest stretch for me to play. In the short two months that i have known joy, she and i have clicked on some of the deepest levels. she is very much a sister to me, someone to share fears and triumphs with, and to have understanding pass in little more than a glance or gentle touch. i have learned so much from her, and plan to learn so much more. The insights and knowledge she has, the thoughts and perspectives on slavery, submission, and all of this are simply amazing. she also browbeats me regularly into posting, so hopefully with her help i can break my LJ-block, and get back to posting more. i miss you all.

Now, joy left the rest of the good news for me, and you’re all probably waiting for it, so without further ado…

THE MADHOUSE IS MOVING!!

Yep, Wwe’ve gotten a new house! It’s not a far move, across the street, but the house is substantially bigger, nicer, and much better for Oour family. All three of Uus will be more than comfortable in the finished basement (properly finished, not like the half-ass job we have now) with its own separate entrance, the small ones will have their own rooms upstairs, as they are coming into the ages where that private space and room to grow into themselves is crucial (not to mention a absolute requirement to maintain the relative sanity of the three adults involved in raising them). The kitchen, oh gods, can i just tell you all how happy i am about the kitchen. It’s FAR larger than the one Wwe have now (which is truly pathetic), with TONS more cabinet space, and the counter space…*has kitchen-gasm, spazzes, and collapses grinning* OK, done now. Wwe have a nice-sized porch just off the kitchen, and a fenced back yard… it’s all very, very nice, and Wwe are rather happy with it. The best part? Wwe’ll probably be BUYING it within the next year, and it will truly be Oours. YAYS!!

i’ve another post coming within the day, hopefully, about the rather interesting change in my own headspace about pain and my ability to deal with it, much of that thanks to the addition of joy… i promise i’ll get that post made within the week. Things promise to be INSANE here, with the move being this weekend, phone calls and packing still to do, and the merging of two households, so i’m not positive when i’ll get to it, but it will be soon. *HUGS* to you all, and kaya, i have been duly poked, and i’ll be calling this afternoon. *laughs* Take care all, and talk to you soon!!

Well, last night was simply...fantastic. I can't even begin to describe the plethera of emotions that surged through me in that short 6-hour period between leaving for FLOG and finally falling asleep last night. 
G was my "surrogate dominant" for about two months. I had sought him out because I, at the time, felt that I really needed structure. i needed someone to answer to and to encourage me in meeting my goals, and he filled that role quite well. I was at FLOG, desperate to get a beating, and with a nametag that read, "PLEASE pull my hair and beat me!" My Owner saw the nametag, and two hours later I found myself bent over a cage, with pet inside of it, getting my ass beaten very, VERY well. The bruises lasted about two weeks. 

Over the course of the next two months, things have snowballed...for lack of a better word...and last night it came to its climax. Sitting in FLOG and knowing that G was going to turn me over to my Owner, that was really all the information I was given. Pet and i had worked on costumes for the majority of the past two days. My Owner was dressed as an Arabian Prince, and pet and i were harem girls in matching black harem costumes... how fun was that! Pet had a collar and leash...but I didn't. I knew my Owner had purchased one for me, but I wasn't allowed to look in the bag. I am glad I resisted that urge. It's like wanting to know the end of a book, but resisting the urge to flip to the end and read the last paragraph. It drives you nuts...but you're glad you waited. 

I'm glad i waited.

But I digress. I was sitting in FLOG, with pet, looking around and talking quietly with her, watching people run around and hug and grope each other...and watching my Owner move from one end of the room to the other, over and over again. When it happened... I could FEEL my face turn completely beet-red. My Owner's voice lifted above the crowd as he screamed over to my surrogate dominant: "HEY, G! I WANNA BUY HER FROM YOU!" Good GOD, did MY world come to a screeching halt! It seemed that every eye just turned on me and the scene at hand. It was likely not quite so dramatic as all that, but it surely felt that way! The next few moments was a blur, a mutual friend of ours "countering" my Owner's offers, chocolate "gold" coins flying onto the table before us, pet tugging at my Owner's shirt with a constant "Master! Master! You've GOT to get her for us! PLEEEEEEASE?!" The next thing I knew, my Owner had His hand in my hair and was telling me to get on my knees, tugging me downward as he did. I felt the collar wrap around my neck, the leash clipped to it, before tugging me back upward, taking me in His arms, and whispering affectionately to me, "You're mine now." It's only been two months...but I feel like I've waited a lifetime in limbo for him to say that to me. Our friend who had tried to counter Him kissed my hand gently and told me that I was certainly a prize worth winning. I have never felt so wanted, beautiful, desired, and worthy. GODS, what an experience. 

On a final but by no means inferior note, I GOT FUCKED LAST NIGHT! Thank the sex gods, the sex ban is FINALLY lifted. I got fucked. I got my hands held above my head, I got to have sex, i got orgasms... three of 'em!...I got to sleep in a wet spot, I got him whispering "you're Mine now, I own you" in my ear... all the things I've been waiting for for months... I finally got it. 

I don't know if my Owner realizes how much better I feel, now that I am out of limbo, not caught between two dominants, two sets of rules, two different styles of domination... two of everything. i am finally owned... where I want to be, by whom i want to be, how i want to be... how i long to be. i know that so many people say, a dominant cannot fix you. That is true. Even the right Dominant can't fix me...but He can complete me...because no matter how much I try to kid myself that this is not what I need, the fact still remains. There is this need that burns inside of me, constantly nagging at me... that i must serve, that i must be keeping pleased, the one i care for, in order to be fulfilled, in order to be complete, in order to be doing what it is i was born to do. i can only be what i am. And i finally have someone...two someones!...who understand and want the gift i have to offer. 

i'll let pet tell you about the REST of the good news.... :D

i can hear, even over the music on my computer, the soft jingling sound from my ankle every time i move. That’s right folks, i have slave bells. i can’t explain all the detail behind why this is such a big deal to me. joy found them at a recent event that she went to, and brought them back, a set for her and a set for me, and Master promptly made them His. If we dissatisfy Him, He takes our bells. In some ancient cultures, slave bells were a mark of favour, of status and satisfaction found in the slave by her Owner. It was a way of knowing where the slaves were, a mark of sensuality and desireability, and a mark of femininity. Traditionally, male slaves would not wear bells, but be marked in other ways. In some cultures still today, bells carry many of these same traditions, and still have many of those same meanings attached. Most of the slave traditions have faded over the generations, as slavery has become culturally unacceptable, but i know what my slave beels mean to Master and i. Soft tinklings mark my every step, every step through a day that He has planned and guided me through, even when He isn’t directing my every move. Every step i take reminds me of Him, of His ownership of me, that i am His.

Today, i am more centered. i’m calmer, focussed, less everywhere. Today, i am eager to move and be up and about, i’m in a good headspace, a good mood. i feel strong, and beautiful, and loved, and my slavery is in the forefront of my mind.  my thoughts are even more focussed than normal on making sure that i am pleasing Him, and not of fear that i will lose my bells. Perhaps this was what i needed, this little nudge, this new daily, every moment reminder of Him to get me back to that space i had lost for the past while. i know that some people will find that wrong or sad that it took this physical thing to remind me, but i don’t. Master is happy with our bells. He smiles a little every time He hears them. He is also happy with my headspace, thus am i, and that’s all that matters to me. Master did not call it bad or wrong, so neither do i. It is not my place to do so.

Today, life is good, and it’s only getting better. Now, if i can just get the dog to quit attacking the laundry basket by the front door….

It has been a while since i’ve posted anything. Life is going by, and i find myself too busy, or that i’ve run out of time, or that i simply don’t have anything to write about.  Things here at the Madhouse are good, really good. Master and i are doing well, and Oour dynamic is stable, strong and healthy. Our new friend, j, is rapidly becoming a member of the family. Wwe’re doing a few things different than last time, and there is a difference in her and my dynamic, but it’s amazing. i have never felt so loved by a woman that isn’t related to me, and it’s a really amazing feeling. she and i have so very much in common, and it makes for amazing talks, and time spent together is filled with laughter. The two of us are doing these Latin Dancing exercise DVD’s, and laughing so hard through them that the fact that we’re exercising gets forgotten, it’s just fun.

The Madhouse should be relocating by the end of the month. Wwe’re looking at a new place, large enough to entertain Oour friends and family, and have room for Oour small ones to grow into themselves. It’s exciting to be moving on, moving up, and also a pain in the ass!! Boxes to pack, things to sort, and things to throw away, decisions to make… it’s been crazy, but it’ll be good. Updates on The Move to come as they are available.

my meds are FINALLY working, albeit leaving me sleepy. i’m fairly stable and feeling immensely better.  my moods are still swinging, but not nearly as much as before, nor as extremely. i’m starting to slowly re-emerge into my life, and it’s nice. j has been a big help, so has Master, both gently coaxing me into letting down barriers that got rebuilt last January. It’s nice, surprisingly, to find that i’m letting those things go, letting those hurts wash away like dust in a spring rain. It used to be so hard for me to let go of things, but now? Not so much. Now, i have Tthem, and it makes it so much better.

i’m not sure what else to write, other than i’m typing this on my new MSWord 2007 that j gave me. Silly how thrilled a word processing program can make me. i’m going to start writing again now, since i don’t have to use WordPad or Works. YAY!!! So, with that, i’m going to wrap this up, and talk to you all later.

~His pet~